reposted 5-7-2011
Friday, April 24th, 2009
Confession: I love hanging out with entrepreneurs more than any other single group of people. Entrepreneurs excite me, motivate me, inspire me, get me fired up!
This is something I just recently realized when relaxing with a few distant acquaintances.
“Brain, why am I disengaged from these people I am sitting with?”
“Jeremy, these people are BORING PLEASE LEAVE NOW LET’S GET ICE CREAM”
“Well, OK.”
Thing is, I was talking to people with whom I had very little in common, and I had refused to admit that to myself.
I like to be liked. Everyone does, to a degree. For me, this occasionally turns into, “Oh, look, a person. I like people, and all people should like me. I will waste my time now with this person.”
Can you say unproductive?
So here’s a few people I feel no obligation to hang out with in my personal time:
1. People that are always talking about the same thing, and never doing anything about it. I think this bothers me largely because I’ve been one of those people, and I know how unpleasant it is. Trying, failing, learning, starting over, improving? Now -that’s- attractive.
2. People whose values are antithetical to mine in active ways. For instance, I don’t feel the need to tolerate a vocal racist, nor do I bother with fanatical (fanatical= constantly harping) vegans. They annoy me, why should I spend my time being annoyed?
3. I don’t need three reasons. Number 3 can go play in traffic. (Naw, 3, you know I don’t really mean that. I need you. I love you, baby. C’mon. Don’t be that way. I promise I’ll use you later.)
OH! That’s what was going to be number 3. (See, 3, I told you it wouldn’t be long!)
3. People who make me feel crummy. This group was typically comprised of people I felt I needed something from, but wasn’t being honest about that with myself. Realizing no one but me is responsible for my success (and my feelings) allowed me to be honest about these people.
BONUS 4. (Bonus because I thought of this after I’d written the whole post. See? Bonus.) People who don’t really have conversations. I mean the ones you can tell aren’t listening, they’re just waiting for others to stop talking so they can refocus the conversation on themselves. This is boring, and I see no reason to seek these people out. They are generally uninterested in growing, changing, learning. (Note: this doesn’t include people who are watching body language. Watching in the right ways counts at least as much as listening, in my book.)
5. Man, I can’t stop! DRAMA QUEENS! Yes, that should be all-caps. You know the people I’m talking about. Everything can be a catastrophe, everything an insult, an excuse to get angry, to be offended, to cry, etc. I don’t have the energy to deal with this stuff, or the people that create it. So, I don’t. I just avoid drama queens. I want to enjoy the people in my life, not endure them.
I’ve started going to a local entrepreneurs group here in St. Louis (www.meetup.com is awesome, by the way) to hang out with like-minded folks. The folks in this group give me GREAT new ideas, cool new ways to implement old ideas, a peek into other industries (hypnotists are boring marketers by-and-large), and new friends. As a bonus, I sometimes meet people with businesses that tie-in nicely to my own! I’m going to be playing business games with several friends I met at the last lunch.
Of course, there are a few in every bunch that are completely disconnected from reality – pitch-monsters, idea-baiters, and glad-handers, but I don’t waste any time with them. I am polite, friendly, and I move right along without feeling the slightest twinge of guilt. (Note: 3 years ago I would have listened ‘politely’ to their entire spiel and walked away from the event wondering why it was so boring…)
Why be bored? Why be offended? Why be anything but engaged, interested, and alive? I’m sure I can’t think of a reason. So choose your friends intentionally – you’ll be happier and more relaxed for it!